Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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