He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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