wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
