Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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