wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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