the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
