$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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