i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dick very happy bro
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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