Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
