she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
