just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
