ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
