I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
