I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
