I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
