I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
