I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
