I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
