I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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