I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you pee in the oven last night??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
