I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
