Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
