need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
