I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
