He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
