I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize