i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize