I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
