The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
