He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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