I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
