If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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