you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize