Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
