Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
