He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
