Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
