btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
