the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
