Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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