This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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