i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
