Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize