i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
