I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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