I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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