What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think your dad took our porno
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
