Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
