so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
