Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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