So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
