Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
