I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You smell like stripper and shame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
