Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Randomize
