Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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