I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize