i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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