The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Be still, my beating vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
