Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is Oprah even human
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
