im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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