I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
