i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
