A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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