im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my liver is dry heaving
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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