My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
