3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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