I look better un-naked...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
