oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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