a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just google imaged poop.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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