Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
