dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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