I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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