It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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