Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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