and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
