Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
