im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize