Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
