hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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