Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
