I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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