I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize