So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize