He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
