i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
