Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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