he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
