He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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