so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
