The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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