Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found puke in my bra..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
