I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
