Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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