Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
