aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
