dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
