If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
