from now on my penis is your penis
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
