I'm going to jail i love you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
