you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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