Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
