all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
