dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
